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Take It..

You stretch out before me on the bed made up with sheets, white and soft as swans down. You move your hair out of the way - exposing the big vein in your neck.

"Take it" you whisper..

I move beside you, look deep into your eyes..

"No Pain" I order you and your eyes glaze a bit as the glamour takes you..

"Do you trust me?" I say..

"Yes" is the only reply I need..

My fangs sink into that vein, into that strong neck.. red drips down onto those pristine white sheets.. I keep drinking.. denied for too long my control is lost.. I drink and drink until I feel your heart slow..

You never fought, never denied me, trusted me.. and now you're dying.. I took too much..

I open my wrist, feed you my cursed blood.. I can't give you back what I just took from you but I can make sure you live long enough to regret trusting the damned..

"Take it" you said.. and I did..
To preface, I just watched the movie Pompeii and found it hauntingly familiar and it reminded me that I needed to write this stuff down again. I had a past life review under hypnosis many years ago and we hit on several "significant" lives in the two hour session.

1) Rome: I was the son of a senator, served in the military. One of my primary soul mates shared this life with me. I had money and influence but my soul mate was killed quite young and it made me bitter and sad. My father had him killed because he was a son of a rival family and he felt that our friendship was threatening to his position. I found out and I killed my father with poison, married my mother and had children with her, and I died at an advanced age, feared, alone and sad. (It seemed to reoccur that the lives where I had money were the lives that seemed to be the most unhappy for me)

2) Celtic (Druid Era): I was a Daughter of the Goddess and died very young (15 or 16) in child bed. This was one of my happiest lives. The child was borne of the Great Rites and the young stag and I fell in love. He is also a significant person for me in this life. In that one I died in the middle of the night and left him alone, in this one he left me in the middle of the night and we really haven't spoken since. Karma = balanced.

3) Victorian/Gilded Age: I was the daughter of a rich family and I was miserable! I did everything right in that life. I obeyed my family, I married well, I had every advantage but I felt unfulfilled and wasted. I didn't accomplish anything and I felt trapped by my position.

4) Civil War - I was a daughter on a southern plantation and died while being raped by northern soldiers. This was the most recent life before this one. I have a very strong, visceral reaction to the blue northern uniform. I don't go to many reenactments for this reason. This life was VERY vivid. I was with a black slave when they broke in and she was so afraid. I cared for her very much - got the impression my mother was dead and I had been running the place with my father and brother away fighting the war. She was like my mother and they took her away and raped me. I got the impression that they didn't intend to kill me but it just kind of happened.

I've also felt connected to Pompeii, Titanic and Ancient Egypt. You can dismiss these things as imagined and that's quite all right with me. I am not 100% sure I buy into it either but I can tell you that a past life regression under hypnosis was one of the most amazing experiences I've ever had in my life! -Mystrys

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It is ugly and painful and I have to live with it. It has it's good days and it's bad ones. Covering it with makeup will inflame it for days but that's usually the best way to make it less noticeable. I try to do that as little as possible because inflammation sucks.

It's all over my legs and arms, I bleed pretty much every day and it's to the point where I won't swim or wear shorts. I try to wear long pants even at the gym because I see people looking at me in the mirror. I am constantly itchy and uncomfortable and I have been for years.

It's not catching or life threatening. It's just ugly and I will have it for the rest of my life!

I try not to let it hold me back from living the life I choose to live although it did make me stop being a Dominatrix. Clients just don't want to worship legs that are all scabby and scarred. I don't blame them. It forced me to "retire" from the Lifestyle. I try not to miss it very much.

I still do Burlesque and go go dance, I won't stop that because thanks to the wonderful folks at Danskin I can always cover my legs up. I can put makeup on the scars and cover them with lycra - most of the time it's barely noticeable. I can't do "merkins" and I can't perform without my tights BUT I can still give one hell of a sexy illusion and I'm grateful that I still have that outlet. I understand when photographers don't take as many pictures of me as they do the others. It's a pain to photoshop the scars that makeup didn't quite cover. I try not to let it bother me.

The doctors have options for me but it's all more than I can afford and the side effects are horrible. I can live with ugly skin but I can't live with a damaged liver and cancer!

What does bother me is when people notice it. I KNOW it's noticeable! It gets all over my face and even with careful exfoliation some days I just don't look good. I'd cover it with makeup but as I said earlier, it only makes it worse when it's inflamed. I just try to hold my head up and smile and hope that you'll be courteous enough not to say anything.

Today a "beauty salesman" at a "upscale" mall made me feel less than human when he told me "how sorry he was for my affliction" and pointed out my ugly skin patches. I have been crying all afternoon because I feel so ugly. Crying makes it worse too so now in addition to red patches and flaky skin I have red and swollen eyes as well.

In some ways it would be a blessing to be a different religion or something and required to wear a bag over my face all the time. I've only felt this humiliated a couple of times in my life. I guarantee that guy isn't thinking about me right now but I will always remember him. He made me feel ugly in order to convince me that I needed his fancy skin stuff to make me attractive again. I am ashamed to say I bought some because he was so insistent. I don't do confrontation well and I thought if I bought some he'd let me get away from him and I could return it later when he wasn't there but the receipt says no returns. It's expensive to be this spineless I guess. My self esteem is pretty much nonexistent right now any how I might as well beat myself up about spending money I don't have on things I don't need just because I was to embarrassed to walk away.

I won't ever go back to that part of the mall again. Every time I see that booth and that brand I will remember the humiliation of having him point out how horrible I looked today. I feel violated and raw and horribly exposed. I know I'm ugly, I have to look at myself in the mirror every day, I choose to try to ignore it and it would be a small matter of human kindness for you to do the same. -Mystrys

New Years.. 2015

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So I really don't make resolutions but it's good to set some goals. I've lived in my home for a 10.5 years and you know all those little projects that you intended to do when you move into a place? Well, over the years I've done some of them and a lot of them I haven't done. This year I would like to set the goal of doing a "10 year purge" and doing some of those little projects. I'm not going to overdo things though - one thing I've learned from fitness is that you start out all gung ho but if you burn yourself out at the beginning then you just get tired and stop.

I have approximately six rooms so I'm going to take it in two month increments. Jan/Feb is going to be my bedroom and bathroom and then the other rooms. I want to do a purge of everything, closets, drawers, etc. and then do some updating. Getting a bookshelf here, new curtains there, touch up the paint, etc.

I think if I spread it out over a year and try to stick to that two month schedule then we are talking just a few weekends and that seems doable to me!

It's not really a "resolution" but a long term goal. I love my home and it's time! -Mystrys

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Mabon Dreaming..

I had some intense dreams last night - I was hanging out with truckers and accidentally set off a bomb. In the dream I had 30 minutes to get as many of our things out of a hotel room before it went off. I was running around and grabbing up everything I could like cell phone chargers and purses and we escaped the blast narrowly but the dream morphed into Pompeii (I often dream of escaping Pompeii and it has come up in past life regressions I have had done in the past). We were running through tunnels trying to escape this huge wall of black smoke and dirt and we did just barely make it. We ran out of this tunnel and there was a creek bed - we threw ourselves into the creek and this huge blast of smoke, ash and dirt blew over our heads. I woke up just as I was suffocating. In all the times I've had a dream about Pompeii - I never make it out but I always wake up before the end.

Now I'm wondering what upheaval is about to come into my life because dreaming disaster dreams on Mabon eve can't really be a good thing! -Mystrys

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10 Year Anniversary..

Today is the 10 year Anniversary of my LiveJournal!! There are so many wonderful people that I have shared part of myself with and that have shared parts of themselves with me over the years. It seems not that long ago actually. Humbled.. -Mystrys

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Sometimes a picture is worth a thousand words. -Mystrys

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8 Days At Shady Gap..

Eight Days at Shady Gap
Peggy Ann Could Not Get Back
The Mountain Man Took her away
Eight long days, she had to stay


When Mom, Dad & I were sitting at Shade Gap Picnic waiting for the music act to finish thier sound check. There was some visitors sitting behind us. They were friendly and Dad struck up a conversation. At some point, the Lady my Dad was chatting with asked a question that often gets asked in Shade Gap, PA.. "So was the story about Peggy Ann Bradnick & the Mountain Man true?"

Peggy Ann Bradnick was kidnapped by the Mountain Man William Diller Hollenbaugh (also known as Bicycle Pete - because he always rode a red bike and all the locals knew him as Bicycle Pete) in 1966. My Father was 18 years old at the time.

Peggy Ann Bradnick was in my Fathers class at Southern Huntingdon Co HS and he knew her quite well. My Mother also knew her although Mom went to a different High School. I have always known the story. It's the only reason that you can even find Shade Gap, PA on most maps. I just didn't realize that there was still so much interest in it.

I sat there and listened while this interested stranger grilled Dad about, what it is very likely, is the only event of importance to ever happen in my hometown. It was very interesting to me. I'm actually thinking of adding some of this stuff to the Wikipedia entry on the event as the article is far from complete.

The Shade Gap Picnic grounds is where the FBI set up Headquarters for the massive 8 day manhunt through the mountains. At the time Dad was telling his part in the story we were sitting about 50 yards from the large barn structure that was used for the FBI's main offices.

Dad said that he was 18 years old at the time. He had grown up in the area. Dad was a skilled hunter at that age and knew the mountains where the Mountain Man was hiding out very well. He said that him and his friends had gone up to the picnic ground to "see what was happening". There isn't a lot of excitement in that area (as you can imagine) and a full blown FBI Manhunt was very exciting to Dad & his 16 - 19 year old friends.

Dad said they were sitting around watching all the activity when one of the FBI agents came up to them and asked them if they knew the area.. Dad said "well, Sir, I've only been hunting these mountains since I was 8 years old".. so they grabbed Dad and the next thing he knew - he was leading a group of 15 - 20 FBI agents up into the ridges!!!! He told them that he couldn't miss school and so for a week the FBI wrote him an excuse to get out of school and skip tests.

Dad was very close when they finally got the Mountain Man. He said he was about 1 mile away when he was shot. Now here's where the story got interesting. The FBI reported that they shot the Mountain Man but the local people all know that it was actually a 15 year old boy that killed him. Dad says that the FBI was shooting from across the road and that the Mountain Man was shot from above where the kid was standing at. The FBI decided to hush, hush it at the time because they didn't think that a kid should get the credit. Larry Rubeck was the kid that shot him and I've seen a follow up story where he claims that the reward that was offered for Bicycle Pete (Mountain Man) would have paid for him to go to college but that because of the FBI's cover up - he never got the reward!!

Dad also says that he got to speak with Peggy Ann right after her rescue and he says that there is some question about her relationship with the Mountain Man. He says that one Doctor said she had been sexually assaulted and one Doctor said she hadn't. Dad said that he thought she had been raped but that they covered that up too because they didn't want her reputation ruined. This is 1966 in a very, very rural area.

Some of the important happenings leading up to the Kidnap of Peggy Ann happened in places that I played in as a little girl and it was interesting to hear more of those stories about familiar people & places. In any event - it was a real pleasure to hear about an event that has always fascinated me right from someone that lived it!!! My Dad.. ;)! -Mystrys

A Disturbance..

"I just felt a disturbance in the force, as of thousands of voices suddenly silenced"

Dear Goddess,

Be with this country..be with our military..be with our citizens..

Blessed Be.. -Mystrys

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